


The Art Of Seduction

by kuonji



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Meetings, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuonji/pseuds/kuonji
Summary: A tall, beautiful man is trying to get into the building Haru is guarding. He'd probably help him, except for how this is the absolute worst seduction Haru has ever been subjected to...





	The Art Of Seduction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andreaphobia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andreaphobia/gifts).



"--and I really like your hair. It's so soft. Oh, I mean, it _looks_ so soft. I-- I bet it is! May I touch it? Er, you? I can, um, touch you in, uh, _good_ places. I can make you feel sooo good... if we can just have some time alone... in that house together... Ahem. If, if you want me to, that is."

Haru kept his face carefully blank of emotion. He was too bored to risk driving away the only source of entertainment that proffered itself for the rest of the day. However, this was the absolute _worst_ seduction he'd ever been subjected to, and as a former medaling pro swimmer, he'd had his share of them.

To be fair, the man ineptly dropping hints of a tryst (or possibly an awkward game of tag) was drop-dead gorgeous. The way he was blushing and stammering should have been annoying but was instead rather endearing. Haru hoped that he wasn't so shallow that a pretty face was all it took to hold his attention. The deliciously tall man with the gem-green eyes and wide shoulders did seem to have something to him... some kind of _kindness_ , some undefinable innocence. It reminded Haru of how he felt around animals. Comfortable. Fond. Protective.

The man was now stumbling through a compliment about Haru's eyes. Haru decided to cut to the chase. "Do you want to discuss this inside?"

The man's eyes widened comically. "Uh! Oh, um...! Okay!"

Haru had to turn around quick to hide his expression. "Come on." He led the man to the front door of the house he was 'guarding' and used his key to open it.

Haru had plenty of savings from the odd endorsement, but he didn't like using his principal, and he was low on mackerel. This job had seemed like a tolerable stop-gap two months ago, though it was beginning to be tiresome. The owner of the house was more interested in the cachet of having the famous Nanase Haruka standing in front of his property and at his beck and call than in actually protecting his summer home.

"Oh..." Instead of getting down to making out as soon as the door closed behind them, the man who had been nervously smiling and chattering just a little while ago stopped still to stare at the painting hanging at the end of the entranceway.

Glancing between it and him, it abruptly came together in Haru's mind. "Are you a doctor?"

He was certain he wasn't imagining the sudden panic in the other man's completely guileless face. "Huh? N-No. Why do you ask?"

"No reason." Haru should probably have felt insulted, but he only felt satisfaction and a deep amusement.

So. The sandy-haired model with the amazing biceps who couldn't talk dirty without blushing almost out of his skin was an _art thief_.

Trying to be one, anyway.

" _The Carnival_ ," Haru explained unnecessarily, waving at the painting.

"Yeah, I know," the man agreed immediately. Realizing his mistake, he hurried to add, "That's the painting that was in the papers recently, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Haru gave him a sidelong look. "There are some bags in the back. I'll wrap it with some padding so it's not so obvious."

"Huh?!"

"It's okay. It's insured. He'll probably enjoy the attention if it disappears 'mysteriously'. And I won't get in trouble."

Haru wasn't certain of the latter, but he'd been about to quit anyway. In any case, he didn't feel any particular devotion to the man who had crowed to him over having snatched up a painting from a children's hospital that had been mistakenly put on auction two weeks ago.

The inadvertent sale had astonished the populace, enraged the artist, and deeply disappointed the young patients who loved the whimsical watercolor and the staff who cared for them. Calls had come for the new owner to donate it back, but he had thus far refused.

Not waiting for a response, Haru walked through the expansive living room and out the French doors to the back yard, where he grabbed a couple of burlap bags. A minute later, the painting was off the wall and bundled into the possibly-a-doctor-maybe-a-nurse-perhaps-a-janitor-or-just-a-compassionate-dope's arms.

"Th-Thank you." The man closed his gaping mouth and smiled, wide and beautiful. His eyes squinted into slits and he seemed for a moment to actually glow. "Thank you very much!" He leaned forward suddenly and pecked a kiss to Haru's lips.

Haru stared at him, frozen in place.

"Uh." The man bowed deeply before all but running out the door.

***

Haru informed his employer that someone -- he hadn't noticed any distinguishing characteristics -- had come by earlier to collect the generous donation. He tendered his resignation at the same time.

As Haru had hoped and halfway expected, the newspapers supported his bald fabrication with an interview of the owner. The hospital publicly thanked the man, and all was well again -- the hospital richer, the owner with a charitable write-off, and Haru once again free to swim and sketch all day, with fresh mackerel for his dinner.

It was a few weeks later before he finally followed through on his urge to visit the cancer ward of the Iwatobi Chuo Children's Hospital. It was, honestly, a somewhat silly idea. He didn't even know the awkward thief's name, and there was no guarantee he'd be there on a random Monday afternoon.

Indeed, Haru found his way to the right floor, and then found the infamous framed piece just inside a visiting area that doubled as a play center, all without catching a glimpse of the man he was looking for.

A woman came up to him, smiling in a cautious way. "Are you here to visit someone?"

"I just wanted to see the painting."

"I see." She relaxed. "We've had a lot of visitors for that purpose lately, though the crowds have mostly died down now. While you're here, would you like to make a donation to help children in need?"

Ruefully, Haru acquiesced, taking out his wallet.

He'd no sooner handed over a pile of loose bills when cries broke out in a wave up and down the room.

"Coach Tachibana!"

"It's Coach Tachibana!"

"Coach Tachibana is here!"

The kids swarmed toward the entrance, where the tall, smiling man from Haru's memory was gathering as many small bodies as he could fit into his long arms for ecstatic hugs. Chattering voices pitched questions and shared disjointed stories throughout the extended welcome before the obviously popular visitor, 'Tachibana', waded through his admirers to say hello to the shyer and the less mobile kids in the back.

All in all, it was several minutes before Tachibana would notice Haru there -- which was a good thing, because it took approximately that long for Haru to stop from staring, transfixed. In a comfortable (and fantastically form-fitting) athletic shirt, and dispensing gentle hugs and cheerful answers to those around him, the clumsy seducer had transformed into a figure of perfection.

"He's unreal, isn't he?"

Haru startled at the voice of the woman beside him. "Uh..."

She looked him up and down. "You're that swimmer."

He wasn't sure how to reply other than, "I guess so."

She nodded. "Yes, he's gay, if you were wondering." She turned away before he could respond, moving to catch Tachibana's attention.

"Doctor Hayashi!" Tachibana greeted her -- before stopping to gape at Haru. "Oh..."

Haru gave a brief wave from the elbow. "Hi. Will you go out with me?" Oops. He hadn't meant to blurt that part out. At least, not just yet.

"Wh-What? Me?"

Titters and exclamations broke out around them from both children and adults.

Haru ignored everyone else. As long as his mouth had started him on this path, he might as well take it. "We didn't get to talk while you were engaging in larceny."

Tachibana started to speak. Stopped. Glanced around. Half-jogged to whispering distance. "Are you blackmailing me?"

That hadn't occurred to Haru. "Is that the only reason you would say yes?" It seemed possibly counterproductive, but... Haru would take whatever opportunity worked.

Tachibana frowned and bit his lip. "No..." he said slowly.

"Good. Because I'm not. Anyway, blackmailing you would be a dumb idea, since I was an accomplice." He ignored the gasps from their audience. "So will you?"

Questions and suggestions peppered them from the crowd. Tachibana blushed and looked around them. "Hey, everyone, why don't I step outside and talk with Big Brother Nanase for a while?"

"Say yes!" shouted someone who wasn't immediately identified. Giggles erupted.

Red as a ripe tomato, Tachibana grabbed Haru's arm and dragged him out to the hallway and then inside a meeting room.

"Big Brother Nanase?" Haru asked him, as soon as they were alone.

"Oh, sorry! I hope you don't mind. I get used to talking to the kids that way."

Haru didn't mind, and he liked the way Tachibana ducked his head in an apologetic half-bow and scratched his cheek, embarrassed at his perceived gaffe.

"You recognized me?" he asked.

"Of course! I couldn't believe it at first, but then I talked to you, and you looked and sounded exactly like you do in interviews." Which was to say, monosyllabic and monotone. "Wow, I've been watching you swim since I was a kid. You're the reason I started to swim, too! I was completely star-struck that day."

"Is that why you tried the seduction routine?"

"Er... I only meant to talk to you a bit, try to feel you out for a way in. But then my brain ran away with my mouth. I'd never tried to steal anything before," he admitted quietly, as if that were a great failing.

"I can believe that. You were incredibly bad at it."

"Good thing I had an accomplice then, right?"

Haru grunted a half-laugh, half-acknowledgement. "You still haven't said yes or no."

"To what? Oh!"

Haru resisted the urge to roll his eyes -- both at Tachibana and at himself. He shouldn't find a grown man blushing this adorable.

Tachibana brightened. Much as he had in Haru's former employer's hallway, his cheeks colored, his eyes dilated and glittered, and the corners of his mouth pulled up into well-used grooves. "Yeah. I would love to."

Despite his expectation of a positive answer, Haru was relieved. And excited. "Where would you like to go?"

Tachibana grinned. "How about an art museum?"

So the angel had a sense of humor.

Haru smiled into the corner of the room, turning his head away from a long habit of ducking cameras shoved in his face. Remembering that they were alone, he lifted his eyes to Tachibana's. "Good idea," he agreed.

"I'll keep my thieving hands to myself this time, I promise." Tachibana stuck said hands into his pockets.

"Hm." Haru let a smirk grow on his face. "While we're at the museum, maybe. But later, feel free to touch whatever you like. Especially the 'good places'."

He could get used to Tachibana's blushes.

  
END.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:  
> [Inevitable](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408391) (Free!), by kuonji  
> [Say Please](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16519061) (Free!), by kuonji  
> [Splash Free! (Open 24/7)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15628083) (Free!), by whaleofatime  
> [music to my ears](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17266217) (Free!), by slimeys  
> [live a little](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16349603) (Free!), by andreaphobia  
> [Only You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16362503) (Free!), by HamletMouseNSFW (HamletMouse)


End file.
